OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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