what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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