Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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