i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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