fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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