quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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