ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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