I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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