People in love make me want to vomit
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
