I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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