if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
