I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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