She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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