Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
