I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
