Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
