I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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