Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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