He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Dignity is for republicans.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
