cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
