OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
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