The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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