imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Floor bacon is actually really good
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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