you would pick up someone in the library
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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