The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
