The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
