Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
