it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
