peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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