That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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