this beer tastes like vomit already
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
