we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
This baby is an asshole
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
