she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I deserve this hangover.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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