so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
