even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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