WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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