pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
