i just wanna soil my oats bro
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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