im having a threesome with these popsicles
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
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