ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
