piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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