p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
