A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Randomize
