he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
