Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
