why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
