Cold hands, warm shart.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
