Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Is her dick bigger than yours?
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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