she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
