Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
