So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
