My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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