Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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