Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
